Self-love is very popular these days and it gets more and more tossed around in every normal conversation. “You need to love yourself more”, “Why you don’t love yourself enough to say no?” “You can’t be loved properly by someone else until you know how to love yourself”. People keep giving us directives to have a more fulfilling life by practising self-love.
But what is self-love and how to obtain it? Should we read more inspirational quotes? Can a beauty makeover or a new outfit make us love ourselves more? Or maybe a new relationship can make us feel good and live fulfilment. Unfortunately, none of this activities or situations can help us grow our self-love.
Because self-love is more than the idea of feeling good, it comes with the appreciation for oneself and it usually grows from all of our actions that support our psychological, spiritual and physical growing.
Self-love is dynamic and expands when we start accepting our weaknesses together with our strengths, when we have less need to explain ourselves to others, when we have compassion for our short-comings and become more focused on values and purposes, living fulfilment thanks to our own efforts.
Self-love takes practice so if you want to start showing yourself some love, let’s see what you can do today and everyday to build this muscle.
Become aware of the things you think, feel and want. When this happens is less likely you will act on what others want from you. Being mindful and focused on what you need can help you turn away from something that might seem to feel exciting but get you into trouble to something that can help you move forward in life. You love yourself when you leave your automatic behaviour patterns that keep you stuck in the past and move towards a stronger, more centered you.
Practice good self-care.
Don’t forget to always take care of your basic needs. Those who love themselves take care of their overall wellbeing with good nutrition, proper sleep, exercise and healthy relationships and interactions.
When you make room for healthy habits in your life because you care about you and your health, you will truly start loving yourself more.
Learn to say no to things, activities or people that harm you physically, emotionally and spiritually and make sure you set these limits at work, with your family or in your love relationship if there are people who deplete you or express poorly who you are.
Choose the right people in your life. Get rid of those who take pleasure in your pain or who envy your happiness and success. Life is too short to waste it on those who take away your shine. Love yourself and respect yourself enough to let them go.
Instead, surround yourself with people that inspire you or fill you up, choose to be around those who make you feel good about yourself and want the best for you. Don’t forget you’re the average of those 5 people you spend most of your time with. Be picky!
Stop being so hard on yourself. It’s one thing to take responsibility for your actions and another to punish yourself for every little mistake you’ve done. In the end all the mistakes and failures are learned lessons that help us grow. You need to accept that we humans are not perfect and to practice being less hard on ourselves every time we fail. You wouldn’t beat someone who is lying down, would you? So make sure that every time you stumble and fall you’ll chose to forgive yourself instead in the most loving way for the fact that things didn’t go as you planned.
If you intend to live a healthy, meaningful life that has a purpose and a design, you’ll also make decisions that will support this intention and help you achieve your purpose. You will love yourself more when you start achieving what you established with your living intentions. If things don’t go as planned, don’t be hard with yourself. Don’t judge yourself, don’t criticise but offer kindness and compassion, imagine how would the most loving person act toward yourself and practice that.
Stop comparing yourself.
Don’t take your greatest flaws to compare with someone else’s greatest success. This is not just a killer to the idea of self-love but it’s also the perfect way to fail. Each of us has its own life story, so use your energy and effort to build your own path not to be what or how other perceive their lives. And as the ultimate self-esteem booster do something that you’re really good at. It will not only make you feel happier but also bring out the best of you. In the end, self-esteem and self-love go hand in hand.
Accept what you cannot love.
So, if there are part of yourself that you can’t really love, learn to accept them instead of rejecting what you cannot change. Nobody asks to love everything about yourself but self-love involves acceptance as well.
Build your letting-go muscle.
Most of us find ourselves chasing something that already happen, holding onto things or people in our past which can have a great impact on our self-esteem and the way we feel. We need to let go of all these because they are holding us back from achieving our best versions of ourselves and reaching optimal-self -acceptance. The more paths we clear, the more likely we’re fuelling our journey to self-love.
Take baby steps to create the life you long for.
Small and consistent steps in this direction will help you live the life you desire. You don’t need to have one big action, you can’t achieve self-love instantly but if you choose some of these actions to work on, you will begin to accept yourself more and you will encourage others to express in the same way. Basically, by taking these daily actions you will signal that you deserve the life you dream of and you will attract circumstances and people that can support that healthy living, respect your dreams and yourself.
So no matter what happens in your life, how many ups and downs you go through, if you built your self-love your foundation will always be solid.